I have heard it said that there really are no new thoughts. Maybe that's true, because as I thought about my weekly blog installment, I thought maybe I had a pretty original, clever analogy to share with you. A curious Google search quickly proved that many others have been moved to write about the same thing. So be it. I still want to present my thoughts on the subject of walls and bridges. The basic premise is easy enough to grasp. Bridges unite; walls divide and separate. Its true in the original meaning of the word, and it is true in the allegorical sense as it applies to people. So here are a few things I want to think about. (Yes, I'm preaching mostly to myself here.)
Which is more common, walls or bridges? Which is easier to construct, walls or bridges? Maybe it's different for you, but for me it's more common and easier to construct walls than bridges. Not that I want it to be that way, but it seems to me to be the way we humans are inclined to be. We build most walls to hide aspects of ourselves from other people. To some extent that is a good thing, because it keeps us civilized. Imagine if we just allowed some of our primal instincts to be exposed, uninhibited. We all have unsettling thoughts and temptations creep in on us often enough. We should be grateful for the walls that keep these things at bay. They are the good walls, and we should keep them erected, and strong. But what about the kind of walls we put up to keep others away from us? I suppose it could be argued that some of those walls are needed as well, but that is not my focus. I want to make myself think about the walls we build that limit or even damage our relationships with other people. Let's take a look at some wall building methods and materials.
If you examine the walls in our lives, I think we can see some interesting features. One of the most common types of walls is made from the bricks and mortar of misjudgment. A very frustrating thing I deal with on both a personal and professional basis, is the fact that we are quick to jump to conclusions. We have a need to have a complete picture of things in our minds. When we don't truly have all the necessary information, we tend to make up the missing details. Let me give a simple, but fairly common example. Let's say I'm at church (could be school, work, etc.) and I pass someone and they don't speak to me. Here we go. My mind will start making up the missing parts of the story, just as if I knew it was the gospel truth. I think they must be angry with me. Or maybe I think they don't like me, or that they're a snob. It must be something like that, right? So I start putting the first bricks up in my new wall. But the truth is, we are often wrong. Maybe that person had a problem they were thinking about and wasn't even focused on what was going on around them. Or maybe they didn't feel well and weren't acting like themselves. My point is that there are alternate explanations many times we don't even consider. Why do we always go to the worst case scenario first? We think we have a complete lock down on why others act they way they do. The fact is, we don't, and we build walls that don't need to be built.
There are other walls that go up in similar fashion and with the same basic materials of assumption. How many times do we fall victim to the evil effects of gossip? This usually comes in the guise of someone coming "as a friend" to inform us of something we need to know. We accept what they say as absolute truth and work double time to get our wall started. Its often impossible to track down the origins of a rumor, but what can usually be seen is that as the story develops, its gets enhanced for better consumption and greater impact. The originators and spreaders of these wall building bricks rarely get their facts right and cause unimaginable damage to relationships around them. I wonder how many walls I have built in my lifetime based on at least partially false information. Think about it. You may have a few of your own.
By no means is this an exhaustive list of methods and materials. For example, we didn't consider the green walls built because of pride and jealousy. For the next few days, I am going to try and be aware of the walls in my life. Maybe you will do the same. Let's evaluate why we built them and whether or not we really need them. Maybe we can start tearing some of them down, brick by brick if we have to. Building walls comes easily and naturally for most of us. Tearing them down, is difficult. But next time, I hope to have a few thoughts developed on the hardest challenge of all, but the challenge that if met produces the greatest rewards and satisfaction, You guessed it- building bridges.
Until next time......Steve ( http://www.tidwinkle.com )
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